*The entire pamphlet is written in a rough, but legible hand*

This is a dangerous and bold new place, but I'm looking out for you. I got some really great tips and I want all of you to learn them to. Presenting:

Kimi's rules of survival:
1. Avoid fountains and fountain squids. (Mutant walking bathroom squids?!)
2. Avoid screaming toilets. (Mostly harmless, but you can never be too careful)
3. Run or be polite to ginger Slytherin. (All ginger Slytherin to be safe)
4. There is one Squirrel King. And only one. Like the Highlander, but better. (I don't know what this means, but it must be important!!!)
5. Never interrupt someone when they're studying. (Boring, but I trust Kimi on this one)
6. Never interrupt a meal time. (Might get bitten?)
7. Never reach your hand into someone's plate. You will be bitten.

Be alert, stay safe, and stay away from other people's plates!