She smirked. “I can do it to him, too.”
“Don’t.” She pleaded.
“Why not? He’s tearing us apart.”
“Because…” She shook her head. “I can’t,”
“You did that. You didn’t complain about that.”
“I thought we had given up on him.”
“You thought? Why would we give up when there’s so much potential?”
“But…” She tried to shake the thought from her head.
“I don’t force you as much as you like to make out. You generally just go with what I say. Whether that’s a weakness or a good thing is another matter.” She perked a brow, glancing downwards at the water in the sink.
“It’s hard to build a resistance against yourself.” She shook her head.
“Yet you try anyway. Why?”
“You ma-” She stopped. “I am stubborn.”
“So I’ve noticed. Is it him? Is he helping you? I know exactly why I’m letting you be with him. But do you know why you are letting yourself?”
“She’s not! It’s something she can’t help, obviously.” She piped up almost cheerfully.
“Partially.”
“If a house divided cannot stand, then what are you trying to do?”
“Find support because we are already divided.” She glanced towards the mirror.
“Ooh. I guess. Into thirds?”
“Sometimes I feel like we’re in quarters. Or halves.”
“Ah, but it always makes a whole. As long as we aren’t missing something; we’re fine.”
“No. No we’re not.” She shook her head. “Not at all.”
“Must I-”
“No.” She interrupted.
“Such a shame.” She shrugged.
“What do you think he’s going to do now? Is he still going to trail after us or is he going to do what we told him to?”
“Maybe he’s going to do both?”
“How…” She wrinkled her eyebrows, then shook her head. “No. He can’t.”
“But he can. He’s known us longer than him, too.”
“But… I don’t understand why…”
“Liar. You understand perfectly well.”
“But why would…?”
“Because we told him to. He might be too stupid or lazy or both to find another.”
“But… I don’t want…”
“Yeah! Not like I find it particularly attractive, either.”
“Was I saying we should do it?”
“No.” She replied obediently.
“I’m glad we’ve this sorted out now.”
She rested her hand on the mirror. “Sometimes I wond-”
“We don’t care.” She lowered her hand, turning away.
“No. Not always.” She glanced at her reflection almost apologetically before walking away.

She tapped her pen on the desk. There was only one word written down on the page. She put her pen to the page after a few moments and wrote two more words. She hesitated before continuing. After about a page, she paused. She didn't know how to phrase her sentence without being offensive. She decided to change the subject instead.

When she finished, she made a copy of her letter. She smirked faintly as she reread it a few times. She folded it and put it in an envelope to send later. She put it on top of her nightstand. She retrieved her diary, confused for a moment before remembering. Pain entered her head briefly.
"Did you?" She growled with abhor. "Did you really?"
"I- what? What did I do?" She pushed the memory back.
"Where is our other diary?" She glanced to the drawer suspiciously.
"It's..." Under our bed? Hiding? Lost?
"Only a book." She piped up. "People will see the name and return it. Or they'll flick through and find out old work. Then they'll stop before they get to our diary part. And even if they do get to our diary, are they really going to make the effort to read it?"
"Yeah. We've already made precautions for this kind of situation." She felt a wave of gratitude towards her. She didn't know why she was helping her.
"True." She reluctantly relaxed.

She opened the book she currently had, and wrote down the question that had been nagging her.

7/12/10

If evol si na niotca, seod taht naem sti ylno yraropmet?

She grinned at the Gryffindor boy she was paired up with. He gave her a lopsided smile. She stuck out her hand with a triumphant expression on her face. He shook her hand, smirking faintly.
“It was only a matter of time before we met.” He chuckled quietly.
“Mhm!” She nodded cheerfully. “Though I never really hoped it would be during Potions class.” She glanced around the classroom apprehensively.
“I take it that you’re not ‘skilled’ with potions?”
“Nope!” She said brightly, waving cordially to a Gryffindor girl who returned the gesture just as enthusiastically.
“I see.” He frowned slightly, looking from the simmering cauldron to the reagents.
“It says in the book something about adding that stuff-” She nodded in the general direction of the powdered roots. “-first.” She leaned her elbows on the desk. He gave her a doubtful glance and she returned his gaze with an eager nod. He shrugged off his reluctance and poured the powdered roots into the heated water.

The liquid turned foggy. They both looked at the instructions on the board.
“Hrm.” She seemed thoughtful. “I really didn’t expect that to work, to be honest.”
“What?” He watched her incredulously. “You have me do that even though you had no idea if it might blow up and-”
“Oh, no, no, no.” She shook her head, ignoring his look of annoyance. “It was only a root. It can’t explode, even if it wanted to!”
“Why would it want to explode?” He raised an eyebrow wryly.
“My point precisely.” She nodded energetically.
“You are strange.” He chuckled.
“Could be worse.” She shrugged. “Oh!” She added as she suddenly remembered something. “Talking about strange…” She lowered her voice. “Why haven’t you told Star yet?”
“Told Star what?” A look of confusion crossed his face and his cheeks tinged scarlet.
“I knew it.” She smirked victoriously.
“Knew what?” He persisted.
“Oh, you know exactly what!” She exclaimed irritably, attracting the mild interest of some nearby groups. He brought his finger to his lips in an effort to quieten her.
“Okay, okay.” He sighed. She raised her eyebrows expectantly. “It’s because, well… I mean…” She laced her fingers together and rested her chin on them, her expression poorly masking her impatience.

As he opened his mouth, their potion hissed, threatening to boil over. She glanced to the time quickly, stirring the mixture a few times. He looked to the board briefly before opening his text book. She gestured to the phials, picking up some other ingredients in her left hand. He handed them over with growing puzzlement playing across his features. Wordlessly, she measured out the reagents and added them to their concoction. She paused, reading the description of how the potion should appear when finished. It almost matched the description perfectly, so he smiled brightly. She creased her brows and scowled.
“What’s wrong?” He frowned slightly. “It’s fine.”
“No. No it’s not.” She shook her head with an air of stubbornness, sighing as she leaned her cheek on her hand.
“It’s better than theirs.” He nodded towards an unfortunate pair. She shrugged, but then she quickly grinned.
“Could be worse, I guess.” She chirped cheerfully.
“Da.” He nodded, deciding to ignore her sudden change in mood and the fact that she just repeated what he had said.

The professor strolled towards their cauldron. She pursed her lips as he inspected the liquid. When he announced their grade, she let out a soft sigh, her expression turning into one of frustration.

She shrugged her bag over her shoulder, gathering the supplies she had hardly used quickly. He collected his quills and books at a lazy pace, simply glad that it was the weekend. He adjusted his glasses, waving back at her as she rushed out of the classroom. She was among the first ones to leave. He shrugged, grinning somewhat as left the classroom. “And girls complain about boys being confusing.”

She slammed the door violently, tears rolling down her face. “We’ve really messed up.”
“No. You’ve really messed up.”
“If only you two would place a little more faith in him…”
“We’ve placed enough! Don’t you see? It’s destroying us.”
“It’d be easier just to lie to him. Tell him what he wants to hear.”
“You’re right.” Her expression became pained, tears still running freely across her features.
“That’s what I’ve been saying this whole time!”
“But… I can’t…”
“Yes you can. Just grow up. We need to balance out our honesty with him.”
She shook her head, closing her eyes. She swallowed a sob, taking out her book.

What’s the point anymore?
Wouldn’t it just be easier to give up?
It’d certainly be less painful.

Why do we try?
Why does he try?
Does he mean half the things he says?
Does he lie to us while we speak the truth?
Should we start to lie?
Would he notice?
Would he care?

I think not.

So, tell me, what now?

She waved her wand at the feather. “Windgardium leviosa.” She muttered. The feather lifted lazily until it was at eye-level with her. She flicked her wand again, watching it sink as she did so.
“Lying doesn’t really help any situation.” She interrupted the silence.
“It depends on the lie.”
“But it’s always hard to explain your lie because to do so you need another lie. And then, if you’re not careful, you end up in a whole net!”
“Get to your point... assuming you have one.”
“If you tell the truth,” She continued, apparently ignoring her. “Then it’s all a bit easier.”
“But sometimes the truth isn’t welcome.”
“So then you don’t say anything at all!”
“And your point?”
“Oh, I’m sure you can guess!”
“You’re right. I have guessed. I disagree with it, though.”
“You and your long-term plans!” She pouted.
“It’s two against one.” She ventured hopefully.
“I suppose.” She seemed annoyed. “But don’t blame me when-”
“Yes, yes. We know. So can we?” She was like a child begging their parent for permission.
“You may. Just don’t blame me if it proves foolish.”
“Thank you.” She tilted her head curiously. “Windgardium leviosa.” Her feather burst into a small flame. She grimaced.
“Oh well.” She shrugged.
“Well, that didn’t work at all.” She blew out the minute flame, a somewhat amused expression on her face. “Could have been worse.”
“Apparently everything can be worse for you.” She rolled her eyes.
“But it’s true! It could have blown up our room or… or… or something!”
“I doubt it.” She raised an eyebrow dubiously.
“Eh.” She shrugged.
She shook her head, trying to hide the faint but genuine smile that was growing on her face. She picked up her diary.

12/16/10

Ebyam ereht llits si a tniop.
Ew tsuj deen ot dnif ti.
Ew lliw ksa rof snoitcerid gnola eht yaw.

“How can we be expected to help someone else with a situation so similar to our own when we can’t even help ourselves?”
“We… can’t.” She shook her head slowly.
“Especially when the Threat knows now.”
“I think we can use this Moon character to our advantage.”
“Our advantage or your advantage?”
“Does it really matter anymore?”
“Exactly. I can help us. We can co-operate with Moon and achieve our goals.”
“But… what about…”
“Oh, her? If she stops resisting so much, it should be painless. And would her becoming Moon be so bad?”
“Yes.”
“No. No it wouldn’t. Don’t you see? If you gave me just a little more control, then Moon and I could do great things together.”
“No. He’d never let you.” She stated stubbornly, but her voice had cracked and given away that she was just trying to convince herself.
“Oh, my poor darling.” She shook her head, sighing. “Do you still believe the Curiosity cares? How can he stop me if he’s never around? Your ‘loyalty’ to him isn’t going to save you.”
“But you never-”
“Oh, but I do know.” She insisted. “He’s been slowly making us weaker. More… vulnerable. If we carry on like this, we’ll die.”
“If…” She swallowed. “If I let you…”
“I swear upon my soul that I won’t hurt him. Just give me, say… a year and a half?”
“Only?” She blinked, surprised.
“Only.” She nodded. “It shall be relatively quick.”
“And painless?” Her mental guard was slowly lowering.
“Absolutely. As long as you don’t resist.”
“Don’t do it.” Her tone was urgent.
“Oh, and I’ll even let you have half an hour each day. You can save your half hours, too.” She offered.
“There’s no point in struggling.” She smiled sadly as she was bathed in darkness. The wall was fallen.

She stood up. She walked to the nightstand and picked up the letter that was there, obviously very recently written. She tore it in half, and then into quarters. She threw the scraps of paper at her rat. She gave a short, sour laugh as it started to nibble on the pieces.

“Now there really is nothing they can do.”

I told you they couldn’t do anything.
“Liar.” She shook her head. “You… you can’t force me…”
But I can make you want to. Don’t you get tired?
“Don’t you?” She winced, resting her forehead on her palms.
Do you wish – even if only at times – that this could all just be over?
Her silence confirmed the answer.
I can end it. If only you let me.
She shook her head.
You can’t seriously believe –
“I do.”
With our life?
“I know what you’ll do. I… can’t…”
You can’t let me save us?
“No. You won’t save us. You’ll… you’ll just destroy everything.”
Because that’s what is required at this point.
“There are other ways of getting what you want.”
Usually.
“Always.”
What do you suggest?
“You disappearing.” She clenched her jaw.
Hilarious, darling.
“I try.” Her teeth ground together, loudly and painfully.
I told you they couldn’t do anything.

“Waiting is annoying, but…” She smiled at the bear. “But I suppose it makes it something to look forward to, right?” She played with its ear for a few moments. “What do you think’s going to happen?” She tilted her head, as if awaiting an answer. “About Star, of course.” She watched it carefully before sighing. “She’s not exactly happy, you know.” Excellent observation. “I know, right?” She winced. “It hurts at times. Probably because you’re not really… real.” She stroked its head. “But you’re better than nothing, right? Or am I just… easily amused?” She bit on her bottom lip thoughtfully. “Maybe both.”

12/28/10

Eht Taerht si a Drawoc.
Eht Nus si a Rats.
Nac uoy sseug tahw eht Ytisoiruc si?

Evol, I kniht.
Tub woh era uoy desoppus ot yllaer wonk?

He’s the Love?

She pulled her hair back and twisted it into a makeshift bun. She inserted the comb to keep it in place. She turned her head in an attempt to see the back of her head. She shrugged when she found that it was basically impossible, and instead gave her reflection a bright, cheerful grin. She tucked some books into her shoulder bag and walked out, the fake grin still on her face.

She bumped into the Gryffindor boy, and her apparent cheerfulness dissipated, mostly to her relief. She slowly looked down to her fallen books, then back to the boy. He offered a smile. She raised an eyebrow, almost amusedly.
“Imagine meeting you here.” She grinned faintly, though not genuinely.
“Da- Yes.” He seemed nervous. He knew her. “Do you want help picking up the books?”
“If you don’t mind.” She leaned over to straighten out the pile. He helped. “Since we’re here, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if I asked you a few questions?” She held the books close to her chest, occasionally glancing to a passing student.
“Oh, sure.” He knew what was coming. He dreaded it.
“Well, I’m a little curious about… recent events, I suppose you would call it.” She twisted a loose strand of hair in her finger. She was dragging it out.
“Oh?” He was playing along.
“Yes. You and…” She left him in silence for a few moments. “Well, you know. Why did it end?”
“There are a lot of reasons.” He glanced around. His desire to leave, or talk in a more private place, was becoming nearly obvious.
“I’m listening.” She watched him with an empty expression.
“You see,” He lowered his voice. She tilted her head. “She wants me to be safe, but I want to help her. She doesn’t trust herself to be able to control ‘herself’.” She nodded once. “It’s easier like this. We’re still friends.”
“So you basically couldn’t make the effort to stay together?”
“N-no. Not exactly.”
“Exactly?”
“Yes. We’re still friends.” He insisted.
“But it doesn’t make much sense. She kind of needs you, you know. It’s not really fair for you to just leave her like that.” She stopped and frowned slightly.
“It was on friendly terms. We might… try it again later or something.”
“I suppose.” She sighed and shook her head, seeming faintly annoyed at something, though not at him.
“What’s wrong?” He raised an eyebrow and adjusted his glasses. She opened her mouth to respond. “Wait.” He blinked. “Your hair.” She seemed confused for a moment, but then laughed.
“Oh, yeah.” She grinned again. “You can blame Galt for this.” She tugged on a few loose strands.
“I wonder how he managed to do that.” He creased his eyebrows.
“You’d be surprised.” She shrugged.
“Did he cast on you?” He frowned slightly.
“What?” She raised a brow. “No. He was just an idiot, though that’s nothing new.”
“But how did he-” He gestured to her hair again, but she shook her head stubbornly. She reached behind her head and took out the comb, allowing her hair to fall loose. “Why-” His confusion was obviously growing. She shook her head again. She tucked the comb into her pocket.
“I think I better be going now.” She waved at him and put her books into her bag, grinning.
“Uh. Bye?” He waved after her as she almost ran away. His classmate gave him a sympathetic glance. He pushed his glasses back up his nose and shook his head. “Girls.”

She almost tripped as she ran down the stairs, the heavy bag of books frequently bumping against her hip. She closed the door and rolled her eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Boys.”

She took a step down the abandoned lane. She examined the surrounding area cautiously before taking another ginger step. She narrowed her eyes as she heard the trees shift with the wind. She took another few steps before breaking into a run. She couldn’t look behind. But what would happen if she looked behind? She started turning her head, but then snapped it back forward. No. She told herself. Don’t. She ran harder. There was a mist, and the further she ran, the more it thickened. It thickened until the point where she couldn’t see her hand if she waved it in front of her face. She groped the opaque air desperately. I can’t be lost. She told herself incredulously. No way. She shook her head as tears formed. No way. She spun in a complete circle. Or what seemed like a complete circle. Who knew? She didn’t. Did it matter? Don’t look behind! Her eyes widened. I looked behind. She stepped backwards. Oh no. She felt her foot fall into a hole. No, no, no. Her other foot sank into the pavement. Please, no. She closed her eyes. Please. She let out a scream as she sunk abruptly to her knees.

The mud oozed up her thighs and she squirmed, attempting to get out. The pavement froze around her legs and she tried to pull herself out, but failed quite miserably. She started to pick at the stone with her fingers, nearly crying out at the pain. The skin on her fingertips was rubbed raw from the effort. She finally noticed the figure that was standing over her. She slowly looked up, absorbing each feature: each fold in the clothes; each movement his chest made when he was breathing; each expression that crossed his face, no matter how short-lived. She stared at him and he stared at her. She held her hand to him, pleadingly. He took her hand and, to an onlooker, kissed her torn fingertips tenderly. She shrieked magnificently. She tried to tug her hand away before it’s too late! but she couldn’t. For reasons she didn’t fully comprehend, she could not bring herself to take her hand from him. So she just watched him with some kind of fondness through the pain.
“Her blood tastes like dirt.”

She laughed at his complaint. He ‘kissed’ her palm, and she caressed his cheek briefly before she fell. She fell into nothing. She fell forever. We all fall down. Forever? We don’t fall for forever. That’s when she hit the bottom.

She looked around the room. Every gaze was fixed on her. Except for one. She furrowed her eyebrows and scanned the faces again. Which one? Then another thought entered her mind. Why am I here? She shook her head and opened her mouth. She saw them take out notebooks and she heard the shutter of a camera from somewhere to her right.
“Why’d you murder him?” A man shouted.
“I… didn’t…” She glanced around again, seeming increasingly confused. Then realization whacked her on the side of the head. “Wait… wh-who is he?”
“You know who he is!” The man replied. “After all, you told her to kill him.”
No. Her eyes widened. No way. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She struggled to keep her voice level. I can’t have. She swallowed. She can’t have.
“Are you sorry?” A camera flashed.
“No.” She shook her head. “He’s not dead.” He can’t be. They wrote eagerly on their pads.
“Will you kill your friend next?” She could see the headlines now.
“No.” She choked. “He’s not dead.”
“Why do you say that?” The doors on the other end of the room opened, revealing darkness.
“Because he’s…” Why? “Just sleeping.” I know who’s not looking at you.
“After being stabbed five times in the chest?” He’s not.
“Yes. She didn’t kill him. I didn’t kill him.” They rolled a body from the blackness. It was covered with a pure white sheet, except for the apparently fresh blood stain on his chest. He’s not looking at you. She stepped down from the stage. “He’s not dead.” The reporters, for that was whom she decided they were, moved away from her as she walked to the corpse. He’s not looking at you because he’s dead. “He can’t be dead.” She was nearly succeeding in convincing herself. She drew back the cloth. She recognized each and every feature. She knew them so well. “He’s just sleeping.” She said once again. “He’ll wake up.” She brushed some of his curls from his face. “It’s all okay.” She nodded. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” She stepped back. “Because he’s not dead.” He didn’t move. “He’s not dead.”

She heard a bang sound from the blackness of the open door. Another body was wheeled in. The cameras went wild.
“Why’d you kill her?” The first man yelled over the excitement.
“I didn’t!” She screamed, tears stinging her eyes. She tore the sheet back and her eyes widened. “She’s sleeping.” Her hand dropped to her side limply. “She’s not dead.” The lie came easier each time she said it. “I wouldn’t kill her.” She raised her hand to the other girl’s face to play with a few strangely angled golden curls. “She’s my friend.” She hesitated for a moment. “No. She’s my sister.” She noticed the blood on the body’s neck. “Why would I hurt her?” Her eyes meandered to the first corpse. Her gaze was fixed on the pool of blood on his chest. “Why would I hurt him?” She looked at her hands. They were tingling painfully. “I love them, after all.”

Another loud bang echoed from the darkness. She looked over to the doors from her bloody hands.
“He’s just sleeping.” She started laughing as the next body came in. “They’re all just sleeping.” She covered her mouth as she continued giggling. “Let’s all just go to sleep.” She paused in her laughter to grin brightly and say, “I want to sleep.”